It's Been A While

As a contemplative, it seems life is either/or: either I live a life of contemplation or a life of action. It's hard for me to do both at the same time, which is the whole point of being a contemplative in the first place. OK--so I have room to grow.

Well, the last few months have been nothing but action, action, action!

A synopsis:

Feb. 2007: Boss' off-balance mental state got to be a bit too much, the powers that be were very understanding but not very helpful, and I resigned. My own mental state was saved.

I decided to explore returning to Chicago and called up a wonderful couple in Evanston who agreed to host me for a while. Girlfriend approved. The idea was that I would go up to Chicago, get "established," and we would marry back in OKC in October.

Apr. 2007: Was hired to work at a ministry in Chicago that I adored when I had previously lived here. Within two days, saw that the culture of the inner workings and I were not a fit. Stuck it out for two months; couldn't make it fit. This is what the missus and I call a "false start," and that's OK.

Missed girlfriend immensely, proposed over the phone (OK--so I'm not a creative contemplative) that we move the date up to June. She liked the idea.

June 2007: Traveled back to OKC, got married, loaded up the truck, and we moved to the Ravenswood/Lincoln Square area of Chicago. Love it, love it, love it!!!

July 2007: Spent a couple of weeks fixing up our place then started looking for jobs.

Sept. 2007: The missus started her job, allowing us to breath a little easier! I'm still looking.

As I said, this is just a synopsis; a million little details have been left out. But suffice it to say, I have not been very contemplative of late!

But I sense that is changing. With the wife out working all day, for the first time in several months, I have space. Not emptiness, mind you. But space. Sacred space.

During all the busyness, I sometimes worried about my not "sensing" God. But I always knew God was there. We have way too much history between us for me to have ever asked the question, "God, have you abandoned me!?!" I knew he was there. And, I knew that He knew that I knew He was there. And for the time being, that was enough.

That "knowing" between us was really all that we shared since February of this year (7 months!): no Bible reading, very little church-going, no other reading (except of online news, of course!). And that was OK. He's OK, and I'm OK. And that is wonderful!!!

But now, the activity has died down, and the sacred space has returned. The fall air is cool; I can be still and breathe deeply. I feel like I've been swept up in a tornado, tossed to and fro, and now gently placed in a calm meadow.